One of the most talked about books in the area of Diversity in 2013 has been Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In.  In it, she encourages women to “step up” and not fall back into the common and usual female traits of letting our actions speak for us, and waiting for others to be our promoters.  In many ways, I wish someone had given me such a book when I was starting my career.  It would have served me well to know it was OK to speak out or speak up.  I have recommended it to many young women this year.

It should be said, however, that clearly there are women speaking up and “leaning in” or women wouldn’t have made the advances that they have to date.  The trailblazers did lean in and showed that it can be done.  At the same time, as Elizabeth Broderick is showing with her Male Champions of Change, it can’t all be done by women either.  Men need to help change the status quo and encourage and allow women to lean in.

While on the whole I do endorse Sheryl Sandberg’s exhortations and encouragement, there is one aspect of her own experiences that facilitated her career yet is not necessarily available for all women. For those who choose to have children, managing a career and raising a family is a challenge.  This is true for men and women, but I’d venture to say it’s tougher for women.  It is difficult to move full-steam ahead on all fronts at the same time.  Some, like Sandberg, are lucky enough to have spouses or partners who can manage their jobs or careers to allow the mother to work – whether it is a combination of sharing the load or staying at home.  Other women can outsource to family or paid help – whether childcare centres or nannies.  Each should feel they can do what is right for them and not feel judged or criticised by others who may have made different choices.

But inevitably, children do grow up into young people and parents can’t outsource the necessity of instilling their own values into their children and guiding and supporting them.  Children are not commodities – just to have and then move on – they require parental input and to that extent managing two big careers and bringing up children is a tremendous challenge.

To do so, inevitably one has to lean on others. Be it wider family members, one of the parents in a relationship taking a greater support role or a circle of friends (or all of the above).  Women very often think they have to do it themselves and be tough and manage it all.  Women juggle multiple roles and fill up all available hours doing all the things that need to be done in order to keep moving forward and keep all the balls in the air.  Recent experiences of family issues and personal health have reminded me that there is a circle of friends that I can lean on, just as many of them have leant on me from time to time.  Without the ability to lean on, it can be tough to lean in.

This blog entry is dedicated to the circle of women, friends and mentors, whom I have been able to lean on.  Thank you for being a support.

Coffee count: 212