As regular readers of this irregular blog will be aware, I have recently relocated to Singapore, which is my excuse for the lack of a post for a few months. However, now that I am starting to feel settled, I am trying to get back to my coffee meetings – knowing that this is the way to meet people. In doing so, I have had to overcome the hesitation that arises in contacting people I either hardly know or don’t know at all. While discussing this with someone last week, an analogy was drawn between trying to build a new network of friends or business associates and blind dating. I reflected on this a little and thought it was worth sharing the commonalities and differences between blind dates and coffee meetings to build a network and seek work.
According to Wikipedia, “a blind date is a social engagement between two people who have not previously met, usually arranged by a mutual acquaintance….. Sometimes one person is more interested in the match than the other…The date is usually two hours or less, as it is just a first date and is really meant to introduce the two people more than it is meant to create a marriage… The date is also very adventurous in the way that neither party knows what to expect and whether or not they will hit it off.”
So far, a blind date has much in common with a coffee meeting, particularly as they often come about through the introduction of a third party and seemingly, one party may be seeking a greater outcome from the meeting that the other. A coffee meeting doesn’t guarantee a board role or any relationship for that matter, and there may or may not be a connection.
A little more research took me to a site with tips for a blind date. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on a blind date, so I have taken the liberty of summarizing their* tips for a blind date and added my own tips for a coffee meeting – I don’t profess to be an expert in blind dates by any stretch! To a large extent, the tips for both are common sense, but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to reiterate the obvious – it helps calm the nerves. They have served as a good reminder to me as I start my coffees in Singapore; they may help others – for coffee meetings or blind dates!
- Set Expectations to Neutral
Blind date advice: Don’t think it’s going to be a waste of time; equally don’t expect that the universe is bringing you your future spouse.
Coffee meeting advice: Don’t expect a board role to come from the coffee meeting, it’s just an introduction. It will only be a waste of time if you let it be and don’t make the most of the opportunity. - Have a plan
Blind date advice: have a plan of where to go, even if it’s just for coffee so s/he knows you’ve taken the time to plan and make her/him feel special.
Coffee meeting advice: Have an expectation of what you want to ask for in the meeting or what you want to learn or understand from the person you are having coffee with. - Dress to Impress
Blind date advice: Don’t wear work clothes, don’t wear clothes that make you look overweight (I did say some of the tips were obvious), take care with your look as first impressions matter.
Coffee meeting advice: Dress appropriately for the meeting and the location. It is generally a work related coffee meeting, so it’s work. First impressions do matter – when it’s not right it does leave a negative impression. - Arrive Early
Blind date advice: Being early gives one a home field advantage and allows you to be comfortable in your surroundings.
Coffee meeting advice: Be early or on time. Don’t be late. Someone has offered you their valuable time for free, don’t abuse it. Arriving late will give the impression that your time is more important than theirs – and that doesn’t leave a good impression! - Relax
Blind date advice: Nerves apparently ruin more dates than anything else so relax and have fun. But cut your date some slack if they are not relaxing and give them a chance.
Coffee meeting advice: Nerves ruin meetings as well. If you don’t relax, you won’t breathe properly, the brain stops functioning at its optimal level and chances are that you will say things you regret or not listen closely enough. - Keep the Conversation Flowing
Blind date advice: Try asking a fun question that gets you both thinking and opens the door to interesting conversation – such as sharing two truths and a lie.
Coffee meeting advice: Hard to top the blind date advice here – but perhaps that’s better left for blind dates. Rather, do some research on the person you’re having coffee with and have some questions for them. Know what you want to achieve from the meeting. - Don’t Get Too Personal
Blind date advice: The idea is to see if you have common interests. Don’t be judgmental, be a good listener.
Coffee meeting advice: Don’t expect that one coffee meeting will lead to a best friend, mentor, sponsor or business partner. One doesn’t have to share one’s whole personal story, but enough to provide an insight into your interests and skills. You definitely have to be a good listener and to show interest. - Leave on a High Note
Blind date advice: Good or bad, leave the date on a high note rather than when the conversation goes dry or the date has lasted more than an hour and half.
Coffee meeting advice: The same is true for a coffee meeting, but be respectful of the other person’s time and don’t let it take an hour and half. There’s always the opportunity for another coffee – or another 999…..
Coffee count: 400
* http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/119_dating_girl.html
1000 coffees 